300 Ways to Ask the Four Questions

Parody Contest!

Create some great parodies of the Four Questions. Send them to us and we'll post the good ones!
Really, really good new parodies will win you a Free book in 2009. (Decision of the authors is final. :)

Best Parodies

Browningian (Elizabeth B Browning spoof): 2008's WINNER!

Why -- Do I ask thee? Let me count the queries.
I ask thee of the length and width and height [1]
Of a crumbly, flakey matzo slice;
I ask thee of the bitterness of herbs
Ingested, swallowed in a trice.
I ask thee of the fashion put to use [2]
By salty brine immersed in twice;
I ask thee of leaning and idle grace [3]
In reclining, feeling rather nice.
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if I choose,
I shall but ask again being more precise.
1. Note: no breadth, vs. the original [Amazingly unintended and realized only belatedly!]
2. Original: passion put to use
3. Original: Ideal Grace
By: Efrat Tsur, Elyakim, Israel

Do-Re-Mi (From The Sound of Music): 2008's RUNNER UP!

Dough, sans yeast, is matzo dough,
Rare, just baked one week per year;
Me, I go for bitter herbs,
Far preferred to other greens;
So, we'll dip and dip again,
Largely representing tears;
Teach the kids to dine 'n' recline
Don't sit straight 'cause we're not sla-a-a-ves!
By: Yasmin Geva; Jerusalem

SMS messaging:

YYYY THS NITE DIFRNT FRM AL OTHR NITES 7
Y DUWE ET ONLY MATSA 7
Y ONLI BTR ERBS 7
Y DIP X2 7
Y ET LEENING 7
CUZ . :-)
By: Ruthie Ben-Mayor; Kibbutz Ein-Shemer, Israel

SQL (Structured Query Language)

SELECT Tonight.item,
Othernights.Description AS [All_Other_Nights],
Tonight.Description AS [This_Night]
FROM Othernights
JOIN Tonight ON (Tonight.Item = Othernights.Item)
WHERE Othernights.Description <>Tonight.Description

Rows returned: 4

Item All_Other_Nights This_Night

================ ====================== ======================

Eat Chametz and Matzah Matzah

Herbs Any Maror

Dip Null 2

Recline Maybe Always

SQL is a standard programming language for querying and managing databases. Some people pronounce SQL as "sequel."
By: Cantor Stuart Binder, Congregation Beth Chaim; Robbinsville, NJ

Wikipedia Version

At the Seder, the youngest child asks the following: [citation needed]
The following paragraph may contain original research and should either have citations added or be removed:
Why is this night different from all other nights of the year?
The following section may violate Wikipedia's Neutral Point of View Policy:
Why is it that on all other nights we eat bread or matza, but on this night we only eat matza?
Etc.
By: Gregory Koch; Poughkeepsie, NY

Gilbert and Sullivan mini-operettas

The "Why" Question (Tune of "If You Give Me Your Attention" from Princess Ida)
They will give me their attention, they will turn to me and gape.
They'll put down their Manishevitz, I'll put down my Welch's grape....
The "Matzoh" Question (Tune of "Spurn Not the Nobly Born" from Iolanthe)
Most bread is doughy. Yet you must be realizing
This evening, though, we dine on bread that's done no rising ...
The "Bitter Herbs" Question (Tune of "My Eyes are Fully Opened" from Ruddigore)
The herbs we eat on other nights are many and are varied
The same meal may be cilantroed that has also been rosemaried ...
The "Dipping" Question (Tune of "I Cannot Tell What this Love May Be" from Patience)
I cannot tell why these double dips. We don't even have potato chips.
And dipping two times, or even one, is not my idea of fun ...
The "Leaning" Question (Tune of "When I Was a Lad" from HMS Pinafore)
On all other nights I sit up straight
With my feet perpendic'lar to my dinner plate ...
The "Special Ceremony" Question (Tune of "Here's a How-De-Do" from The Mikado)
Why the big to-do? Why such ballyhoo, ceremony, fuss, and bother, when all other nights are rather typical?
So, nu? Why the big to-do? ...
GET THE FULL OPERETTA HERE
By: Karen Cantor; Berkeley Heights, NJ

Translation Snippets

A few samples to whet your appetite!
Valley Girl: Like, why is this night like, totally different from, like, all other nights?
Shakespearean: We look from friend to friend and ask of them
Why dark of night is different to us
On this occasion, such that brings us here.
Hebrew Morse Code: - · ·-·· ·· ·-·· --- ·-·· -·- -- --- --·· --- --- ·-·· ·· ·-·· --- ·· -· - ··· -· --- -- (Read R to L)
Akkadian:

Chinese:

Estonian: Miks on see õhtu erinev kõikidest teistest õhtutest?
Hawaiian: He aha ka 'oko'a o keia po¯ mai na po 'e'e apau? (macron ¯ goes over o)
Hungarian: Miben különbözik ezen este a többi estéktöl?
Marathi: Marathi"

Thai:

Zulu: Kungani lobubusuku behlukile kobunye na?

All these, and many more, are displayed in their native fonts and are spoken by native speakers. Get the book today!

New Translations

New translations obtained since the book was published!
Bhojpuri, Binary, Flemish, Gullah, Ithig (aka Gibberish), Middle English (Chaucerian), Sandorian, Tlingit, Urkers More Coming!

Corrected Translations

Corrections noted in the book – our "oops" page is located here.

Item	All_Other_Nights	This_Night
================	======================	======================
Eat	Chametz and Matzah	Matzah
Herbs	Any	Maror
Dip	Null	2
Recline	Maybe	Always